Drilling Contractor- A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

Bid Opening- A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Bid- A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

Low Bidder- A drilling contractor who is wondering what he left out.

Engineer's Estimate- The cost of drilling in heaven.

Drilling Manager- The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method- A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

Completion Date- The point at which liquidated damages begin.

OSHA- A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney. Usually, applied randomly with a shotgun.

Strike- An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment- A tourniquet applied to the pockets.

Liquid Damage- A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Auditor- People who go in after a battle is lost and bayonet the wounded.

Lawyer- People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.